rosemilligan:

leftmykeysinouterspace:

halfmoongay:

infinity war

the avengers: okay we gotta figure out how to defeat thanos

peter: well you SEE we’ll use the bittenbinder method. everyone grab alka seltzer tabs and place them in your mouths to make it look like you have rabies. now we’ve thrown him off his rhythm,

and when he approaches, Rocket, you take out the gram of coke I’ve planted in his pocket. You wave it in front of him saying “heY, What the fuck is This?!” And he’ll be like “that’s not mine! I’ve never seen that before!” And Shuri, you’ll say “Boohoo mister, you’re doing 2 to 10 and gamoras going to social services!”

Now HE’S the one crying.

Then I will grab a phone book and beat him on the torso with it, because as any Avenger would tell you, phone books don’t leave bruises. And if he tries to bring us to a secondary location, I’ll take the $50 bill out of my engraved, silver money clip, then yell, “IF YOU WANT IT GO GET IT!!!” Then we’ll run away.

The Avengers: Alright, let’s do it.