Hi I know you’ve probably been busy with life (lord knows I have been) but I’ve been thinking about Victor having depression and was interested on your take? Like on those bad days what does Yuuri do to make him feel better.

borntomake:

The smell of someone cooking in the kitchen roused Victor from sleep and prompted him to roll onto his side, fingers rubbing into the inner corners of his eyes until he managed to blink them open. He squinted at the too-bright glare of his phone screen and saw that it was dinnertime, but rather than getting up, he cast his phone aside and closed his eyes again.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he seem to get out of bed?

He’d been asleep for close to four hours now but had a vague memory of Yuuri coming into the bedroom earlier to check on him. Victor had barely acknowledged the kiss he’d received or the hands that pulled a blanket up around him, tucking him in before leaving him alone to nap in the quiet chill of their bedroom. Even now, with his stomach growling and his beautiful husband cooking what smelled like a delicious dinner just a short distance away, Victor struggled to move. He was exhausted even though all he ever seemed to do anymore was sleep.

Eventually, the door opened, and the floorboards creaked as Yuuri made his way to the bed. Victor opened his eyes when Yuuri sat beside him, the mattress dipping down under his weight.

“Feeling any better?” Yuuri asked, his thumb tracing Victor’s cheekbone in a gentle upward stroke.

No, Victor thought, eyes filling with tears—because God, he wished he did. “A little bit, I guess,” he lied. It was too embarrassing to admit that he felt worse than ever because there was nothing wrong with him. These depressive moods seemed to come and go as they pleased, regardless of what was going on in his life.

“I made some dinner,” Yuuri said. “Why don’t you come eat a little? I made you a comfy spot in the living room.”

Victor groaned at the thought of moving, but admittedly, the idea of a comfy spot did sound kind of nice. His body hurt from sleeping too long, so he let Yuuri guide him into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Yuuri had a pair of clean clothes in hand and helped Victor out of his not-so-fresh t-shirt and sweatpants. His body and hair felt sweaty and gross from being in bed too long, but the freshly laundered change of clothes helped a little. Victor already felt better as he accepted Yuuri’s hand and let himself be led out of the room.

Yuuri had dimmed the lights in the living room, which made it easier for Victor to transition out of the dark bedroom. The promised comfy spot turned out to be a place for Victor on the couch, where Yuuri had set out a few pillows and Victor’s favorite soft gray blanket.

On the coffee table was a steaming hot bowl of rice, well-seasoned vegetables, and grilled meat. Healthy but comforting food. By this time in their marriage, Yuuri knew eating junk food only made Victor feel worse when he was depressed. From the looks of it, Yuuri had also cleaned up the apartment, most likely because he knew having a clean living space helped Victor’s mood, too.

As Victor sat on the couch, he felt tears welling up again. Yuuri wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and then handed him his dinner, as well as a pair of chopsticks to eat it with. Pressing a kiss to Victor’s forehead, Yuuri said, “I’m proud of you for getting out of bed.”

The tears spilled from Victor’s eyes faster than he could wipe them away. “How can you stand being around me when I get like this?”

There was a lingering pause, and then Yuuri sat down beside him on the couch. “Because I love you,” he said softly.

“I don’t understand why. This isn’t exactly what you signed up for when you married me, is it?”

Slipping an arm around Victor’s shoulders, Yuuri cuddled closer to him. “It is what I signed up for, actually. Don’t you remember our vows? I signed up for everything, good and bad. And even if I hadn’t, I love you, Vitya. Do you think I can just shut that kind of thing off when you get sad or miss a shower?”

Victor was having trouble looking Yuuri in the eyes, but at the same time, he was so, so glad he was there with him. “I don’t even know why I’m depressed. There’s no real reason for it. It just won’t go away and leave me alone.”

“I know it can feel that way,” Yuuri said, “but it will eventually get better. And I promise you I’m going to stick around much, much longer than this rough patch. So just try to relax, take things one step at a time, and know that I’m going to take care of you. You’re not alone, okay?”

“Okay,” Victor whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

Tears continued to slide down his face, but Yuuri was there to kiss them away and dry Victor’s cheeks afterward with the edge of the blanket. When, after a long while, their eyes met for the first time in what felt like days, Yuuri gave him the sweetest, most adoring smile. It was the same smile he gave Victor when they were at their happiest.

They sat together, cuddled up like that, with Yuuri feeding Victor small bites of his dinner and giving him kisses in between. The heavy weight of depression still weighed on Victor’s mind, but at that moment, he felt like he might be okay. Still hurting, yes. But it was the little things. The warm food in his stomach. The clean apartment and clothes, a comfy spot on the couch, and the feel of Yuuri’s kiss on the corner of his mouth.

At that precise moment in time, Victor had everything he needed. So he closed his eyes and chose to focus on only that and nothing more. Somehow, it was enough.