A recent study done by Harvard zoologists showed that staring at pictures of cute animals can actually improve our health and lifestyle. The study showed that when we see a cute animal, our brain releases hormones such as Ghrelin and Serotonin whilst at the same time deducing Cortisol production. Effectively, just by looking at this picture, you will have decreased your stress levels and increased your attentiveness. Just another way animals can help humans.
One time I was playing the sims and I wanted to make me and mike but I wanted to make us separately and have us meet. But when I moved into my house, I had this sexy ass neighbor. I figured I could have a fling with him and break it off and get with Mike later but then the neighbors kid got attached to me and I couldn’t just end it when I was so close to his daughter. I really cared about him too.
So the only thing I could do was have it end in tragedy. That way I wouldn’t have to break up with the guy and I could adopt his daughter to stay close to her. He passed away peacefully on fire in the kitchen. Now in previous games, when a kid is taken away by CPS, the next kid you adopt is the same kid. Welp that didn’t carry over into sims 4 so the daughter ended up being taken away and erased from the game by the great sims deity.
I’m a sentimental man, so I kept neighbor mans tombstone around. I’d occasionally chat with his ghost, but he seemed cold to me. I can’t help but thinking he was a bit mad his daughter no longer existed. But this escalated once I started seeing Mike. His ethereal visits became more frequent and more hostile, usually breaking my electronics or creating a mess. But he went overboard when he started the fire.
Being a sim the died in a fire, his ghost had certain abilities specific to his death (setting fires). He got pissed because I kissed Mike so he set my couch on fire that ended up barricading us in the bedroom. Now I couldn’t find the fire alarm in buy mode and I hadn’t had the foresight to predict my spiteful ghost died-in-a-fire ex boyfriend would be an afterlife arsonist to care about it that much so a lot of the house had burned by the time I could get the FD there.
After having almost nothing covered by insurance (thanks Obama), Mike sat me down to have a talk with me. While I couldn’t understand him, I imagine he said “What the fuck you need to deal with your crazy ass ex boyfriend ghost. This never would have happened if you weren’t a thirst little sim bitch and dated me first.”
I approached the grave. It was time to release him. He was waiting for me. He knew this was the end. That after this, there was no coming back from the afterlife. I know he tried to kill me, and he knows I got his daughter deleted, but at that moment, it was just like old times. Telling each other jokes 27 times in a row until he would have sex with me.
We had a final ghostly embrace and he was gone. I sold his tombstone for 300 bucks and bought a microwave.
ALRIGHT AMERICANS TODAY WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT A THING.
How to make sure our pal Bernie Sanders wins the primaries so he can be our president:
1. First of all, what are primaries?
Well friends, it’s a preliminary election that decides the presidential candidates for each political party. If Bernie loses the primaries, he will NOT be able to become our next president. So for that reason it’s INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT that we all get our butts to those polls when the time comes. Here are the known or expected dates for the 2016 Democratic Party Primaries:
February
Monday, February 1: Iowa
Tuesday, February 9: New Hampshire
Saturday, February 20: Nevada
Saturday, February 27: South Carolina
March
Tuesday, March 1: Alabama; Arkansas;
Colorado; Georgia; Massachusetts; Minnesota; North Carolina;
Oklahoma; Tennessee; Texas; Vermont; Virginia
Saturday, March 5: Louisiana; Nebraska; Kansas
Tuesday, March 8: Mississippi; Michigan
Tuesday, March 15: Florida; Illinois; Missouri; Ohio
Tuesday, March 22: Arizona; Utah
Saturday, March 26: Alaska caucuses; Hawaii; Washington
April
Tuesday, April 5: Wisconsin
Tuesday, April 19: New York
Tuesday, April 26: Maryland; Connecticut; Delaware; Pennsylvania; Rhode Island
May
Tuesday, May 3: Indiana
Tuesday, May 10: West Virginia
Tuesday, May 17: Kentucky; Oregon
June
Sunday, June 5: Puerto Rico
Tuesday, June 7: California; Montana; New Jersey; New Mexico; South Dakota
Tuesday, June 14: Washington, DC
2. Okay cool, now I know when I need to vote!
But do you know in some states you can ONLY vote for Bernie if you are a registered Democrat?
STATES THAT AREOPEN PRIMARIES (you do NOT need to be a registered Democrat to vote for Bernie):
Alabama
Michigan
North Dakota
Arkansas
Minnesota
Vermont
Georgia
Missouri
Wisconsin
Hawaii
Montana
STATES THAT ARE CLOSED PRIMARIES (you MUST be a registered Democrat to vote for Bernie):
Delaware
Maine
New York
Florida
Nevada
Pennsylvania
Kansas
New Jersey
Wyoming
Kentucky
New Mexico
STATES THAT ARE TOP-TWO PRIMARIES (you vote on candidates regardless of their party affiliation so you do NOT need to be a registered Democrat to vote for Bernie):
California
Nebraska
Louisiana
Washington
STATES THAT ARE HYBRID PRIMARIES (these vary between open and closed, and often depend on the current party, so if you live in one of these states you WILL need to find out the protocol for the 2016 presidential primaries):
Alaska
Maryland
Rhode Island
Arizona
Massachusetts
South Carolina
Colorado
Mississippi
South Dakota
Connecticut
New Hampshire
Tennessee
Idaho
North Carolina
Texas
Illinois
Ohio
Utah
Indiana
Oklahoma
Virginia
Iowa
Oregon
West Virginia
3. Okay, so how do I register to vote/as a Democrat?
Worried because your state has closed primaries or you’ve never used your constitutional rights to vote before and you think registering will be a terrible, vigorous, process?
DON’T WORRY FRIENDS.
Registering to vote is so easy, let me walk you through it.
Here is an online form you can mail in (available in multiple languages) that also gives you step by step instructions depending on your state. If you live in New Hampshire, North Dakota, Wyoming, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, or the U.S. Virgin Islands, unfortunately you can NOT use this method.
For any state, you can check the following places to register in person:
State-funded programs that serve people with disabilities
Any public facility that a state has designated as a voter registration agency
Here is another link of states where you can register online, if you’re an anxious nugget like me.
EACH STATE HAS A SPECIFIC DEADLINE TO REGISTER IN TIME FOR PRIMARIES. IF YOU NEED TO REGISTER, MAKE SURE YOU FIND OUT WHEN THAT IS AND REGISTER BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
If you do end up having to register in person, do not be afraid friends! You are doing a very important and brave thing.
4. Alright, so I know when I have to vote, I am registered to vote, and if my state has closed primaries, I registered as a Democrat! I’m done now, right?
Nope, there’s one last thing! If you’re like me and unable to get to a voting poll, whether or not it’s due to school, work, your health, or being out of your state/country, you need to fill out an ABSENTEE BALLOT FORM!
This link contains not only the absentee ballot forms of every state, but some even have more voter registration forms as well!
DON’T FORGET. DEADLINES EXIST.
Write it in your planner, your calendar. Post it on your ceiling. Write it in ketchup on your burger. Tattoo it to your arm. Whatever helps!
AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO:
Do not brush this off. Do not assume, well I’m just one person, what is one vote going to do? Bernie can win without little old me.
That’s wrong. You and your vote is so incredibly important. Bernie cannot win without you. Without us.
So please. Read this. Spread this. Register. Get ready to vote. Bernie promises to do his best to better America. Let’s do our best to get him there.
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