Thor Ragnarok As Told By My Dad

second-rate-mischief:

My dad cannot remember information about films. At all.  So I sat him down approximately 48 hours after seeing Ragnarok and asked him to tell me what the plot was. This is actual dialogue I recorded and transcribed for viewers like you. Please enjoy this masterpiece (I recommend paragraph 4). And if this actually gets notes, I will also do the one for The Avengers. 

“Well, you have these two brothers. One who used to be- well, not used to be, is still- an ice giant, but he’s a dwarf. And he’s able to maintain a fleshly appearance instead of being blue (like his relatives). 

I think there’s some reconciliation going on in this one, so they can come together to fight against the… sister (that looks more like a Wendigo than a sister). Her nickname is Death... or…. she is Death… She actually has more power than Thor because she crushes his mallet. 

They go to Earth to do some hangin’ out and teamin’ up and fightin’. They went to one of the pavilions where Doctor Strange lives… or hangs out… or guards… It had to have been the London pavilion.  Doctor Strange was interrogating Thor about his brother, and if he was to aid them, then they had to make a commitment to go back to their planet, Odinton. 

They went to The Fly guy’s place, who actually eventually turned into a fly in that other movie. Jeff Goldblum! They seemed to be kinda gay on each other; The Fly guy and Loki… Making eyes and… whatnot. [Thor] got taken to that planet and had to become a warrior to-the-death gladiator type thing up against Hulk. [Thor] got his ass kicked serval times. [Loki] was pretty pumped up that [Thor] got body slammed like he did in the previous movie. 

Thor tased [Loki] a couple times for being an idiot.

The girl who was a former Valkyrie got her wings back. She had some kind of a cool suit on and she came back to fight with them. Then Loki showed up doing his “Here I am” pose, like this grandstanding while he got off that ship. They took a lot of losses, but they came together and they won. They released the kraken dude. He was like a bigger Wendigo dude than the sister!”